I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
