I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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