Small penises have feelings too.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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