god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
