I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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