Apparently you make a good broom.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
