Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
