I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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