At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
