Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
