my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
