She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
