The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
