this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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