I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
