Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
