I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
