Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
