"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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