best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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