Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
