My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
