We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
