But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
