Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
