Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
