I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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