He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
