We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
