You're my little dorito
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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