hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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