We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
