i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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