I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
