Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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