ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
