I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
