Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
