The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
