That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
