It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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