The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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