Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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