I could make wine with my vomit
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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