he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
