he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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