Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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