i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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