What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
