And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
