I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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