i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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