South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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