If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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