It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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