Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
