I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
