im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
