fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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