that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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