I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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