i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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