so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
