just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
