tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
