It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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