This is not my ceiling
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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